Day 2

I had no internet access yesterday, so this is a little late. In general, I plan to post a daily update at the end of each day. It makes me feel accountable for my actions, and also makes the process more enjoyable for me.

So. Day two (yesterday) was my third day of not binging and purging, and my second day following the raw foods detox 4 women diet.

I didn't feel hungry at all yesterday. In fact, by dinnertime, I was so full that I couldn't force down a whole big greens-filled salad. I opted for a bowl of veggies and some guacamole, but even that was just because I felt fearful of not getting in enough calories/nutrients.

Physical negatives: I felt gassy and bloated and uncomfortable for most of the day. Extremely fatigued.

Physical Positives: My eyes seem brighter, and my eyesight seems a little better. I wear glasses, but the last few weeks I've been feeling like I need a stronger prescription. I *just* got glasses in July, so that would have been weird. I think it was just all the purging - one of the lesser-talked-about symptoms of bulimia is its effects on your eyes. There are plenty of days when they just tear up, and the tears feel like fire because my body is overly acidic.

Emotional Positives: Survived a freak out late last night. Just wanted to eat and numb this mysterious sudden anxiety. Ate some raw veggies instead of something sugary and carb-filled. (Which would have tailspinned me into bulimia.) Watched TV, drank some coffee, worked on some character designs for a piece I'm drawing. The feeling subsided, and after two episodes of Mad Men, I went to sleep.

Emotional Negatives: Mood swings, lack of ambition. Bit off a family member's head when she asked me for a favor.

Random Thoughts: If I continue this Natalia Rose journey beyond the 4 planned weeks, I will definitely invest in a greens/wheatgrass juicer. It didn't occur to me somehow that the reason for juicing instead of blending is to eliminate all the fiber and bulk in greens while keeping the nutrients, allowing the nutrients to aborb into the bloodstream unimpeded. Since Rose's smoothies revolve around greens, my Jack LaLaine is not getting the job done. Feeling a little lighter and less bulked up/sluggish would go a long way towards continuing this diet.

Something that bummed me out last night: I gave my teeth a good cleaning and realized that the enamel is so worn away in places, my teeth look translucent. It doesn't make for a pretty smile. I used to really like my smile.

I hear wonderful things about raw foods restoring teeth, but if it doesn't improve in the next year or so, I might have to save up for a bonding or something.

Stats
Breakfast: modified green smoothie with 1 head romaine, 2 teaspoons mixed greens powder, 1 banana, some raw cacao, maca, stevia, squeeze of lemon. About 16 ounces smoothie total.

Lunch: big salad with avocado, sweet potato

Snack/Dessert: 1.75 ounces 85% dark chocolate

Dinner: bowl of raw veggies (about 1/2 cucumber, 1 carrot, 5-10 cherry tomatoes, half yellow bell pepper with guac (1 avo with fresh basil and fresh cilantro, lemon)

Exercise
Exercise:
20 minutes yoga.
30 minutes cardio outside
20 crunches
5 minutes hula hoop
5 minutes dancing

This post is long.

About This Blog

I'm Morgan (pseudonym). I'm 25 years old, and have been struggling with bulimia since I was 15. This blog will chronicle my journey towards recovery utilizing a raw foods diet.

A little about me: I'm a compulsive emotional overeater who uses bulimia as a way to control her weight. This has taken over my life, stifled all my dreams and ambitions, and effectively paralyzed me from living a full life.

I do not condone eating disorders. This is not a pro-ED blog made by a red-string-wearing Mary-Kate-worshipping teenager. This is a blog by an adult woman who recognizes that bulimia is a serious mental illness that can lead to death. More than anything, I want to recover and regain a healthy life filled with love and positive relationships and a job I adore.

I've lost years of my life holed up in my room, eating and throwing up. My teeth are wearing away, I walk around dizzy and with heart palpitations, and my mood swings have caused unbearable tension with those I love.

One of my problems with trying to recover in the past has been that because I've eaten so unhealthily for years, I lack discernment about what constitutes a nutritious diet. I've tried a bunch of food plans over the years, and they just end up with me cycling back into bad habits.

This go around, I've decided to use Natalia Rose's plan in her book Detox 4 Women. It makes a lot of sense to me, and I like that I can just follow a month-long plan without overthinking nutrition, calories, etc.

My plan is to honestly assess how raw foods make me feel, day by day, and hopefully at the end have a story of recovery that might help other people.

OK. All the serious introduction stuff is out of the way! :)

Starting Stats (health problems)
--------------------------------
- heartburn/acid reflux
- depression
- fatigue
- mood swings -- quick to inexplicable anger/jealousy
- suicidal thoughts
- loneliness
- acne/bad skin
- puffy face
- poor eyesight
- extremely low blood pressure
- coated tongue
- no desire to do anything
- lack of sex drive
- selfishness
- mild paranoia